random jokes, enjoy (:

1)
Before Wedding- Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you.
After Wedding- Roses are dead, I am blue You get on my head, I will sue you.

Before Wedding- Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La.
After Wedding- Where you want to go, he says hawker centre lah.

Before Wedding- She enjoys his looks.
After Wedding- She enjoys his cheque book.

Before Wedding- She looks like Ling Qing Xia.
After Wedding- She looks like Shen Dian Xia.

Before Wedding- Weekends at Cameron, Genting & Fraser Hill.
After Wedding- Furthest you go is Bukit Timah Hill.

Before Wedding- He opens the car door.
After Wedding- He opens his mouth & snores.

Before Wedding- She was your ideal.
After Wedding- She becomes your ordeal !

2) This is common, but still i share with all (:
My lecturer taught me never, never, never to ASSUME. Because it makes an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME".

3)
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
Without Information Fighting Everytime
Wife replies," No, It means , With Idiot For Ever !!!"

4)
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

5)
Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."

"Which is ...?" they replied in unison.
"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the first girl.
"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still a virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St.Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key."
"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the second girl.
"Oh,quite good" she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married."
"Very good", said St.Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."
"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all", she said. "I had sex with practically every guy I met, before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."
"Very good", said St.Peter. "Angel, give this girl....... my room key."